Inner Critics and the Inner Muse: Intro to the Creativity Ladder
I teach a class on the Inner Critic and Imposter Syndrome. You know ‘em; those shitty internal voices or feelings that tells us we’re not worthy or good enough. They stop us in our tracks or make us think we haven’t earned where we are.
I love teaching these classes. I do. And I love to introduce the concept of the Muse or Inner Muse to counterbalance those negative messages in our brains.
Creativity as +10, Non-Creativity as -10
But I realize that even that is too narrow. This is kind of the entire process behind The Third Layer: Going from looking at our creativity as a binary problem (I am creative/not creative) to a more complex way of looking at it (there is a huge spectrum between my best creative moments and when my creativity is non-existent). We are complicated and messy and gorgeous.
Let’s recap:
The first-layer perspective: I am being creative. I am not being creative.
Layer two: I have an Inner Critic that is an asshole. I have an Inner Muse that comes out when I’m in flow.
Layer three: I go into an Inner Critic death spiral at a level -5 and my Inner Muse comes in when I go from about a +3 to a +4.
The Third Layer
When we try to solve our creativity problems on a binary scale — even when we get to the second layer and tackle our Inner Critics or Imposter Syndromes — we are still operating in only two dimensions. This is what I hate about those personality tests like the Myers Briggs:
Question 1: Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
A) +10 I am the life of every party, every time, and have been and will be for the rest of recorded history.
B) -10 I am a wallflower who speaks only to the mice I keep as company in my medieval stone fortress.
[Translated to creativity] Question 1: Are you creative or not creative?
A) +10 I live in a world of perfect creativity in every moment of my life and never have a single doubt.
B) -10 I literally count beans for a living and my Inner Critic is a sadist who whips me when I even think of the word ‘creativity’.
We spend 99.99999% of our lives between the +10s and the -10s. We’re like the Pixar movie Inside Out. After a certain age, our ‘emotion’ marbles are never just red for mad or blue for sad. They’re multi-colored rainbows. Similarly, our creativity is a multi-dimensional, multi-layered haystack filled with a billion jumbled straws: our background and past history, our preferences and passions, our tragedies and successes, our culture and our surroundings, our skills and talents.
The Ladder
Here’s where the ladder comes in. About five years ago, I started using a ladder metaphor to divide that haystack into layers.
Are you on stage, just rockin’ your latest #1 hit? Did you just paint the world’s most perfect puffy cloud? Did you score your company’s largest contract after a particularly inspired pitch deck? Maybe you’re at your +9. (Be happy if you have ever had just one of those moments: Many of us have yet to ever reach even a +9.)
Or, on the other extreme: Has the sludge monster that is your Inner Critic grabbed you by the shaky throat, sore shoulders, or foggy brain, and is pulling you downward towards despair? Maybe you’re closer to your -9. Here’s an example roughly inspired by a coaching client’s Creativity Ladder that focuses on beating the inner critic voice:
11: [Redacted for another blog post]10: N/A (not attainable)9: I am a frickin' rock star.8: Jamming, getting shit done, don't bother me.7: This is actually following the outline. My point is coming across, even. No, I LOVE writing.6: I can see a first draft!5: This is kinda fun. I remember why I like writing.4: Whoa, that was an amazing paragraph! Hey, maybe this is gonna work after all!3: Sure, it sucks now, but it'll get there.2: What's next? I feel like I can do that.1: Write something. Anything. Doesn't matter.0: Staring at the cursor, not knowing how to start.-1: Sigh. This is hard.-2: What else needs to be done in the house right now? Dishes? Online shopping?-3: Ah, crap. How did I just spend two hours researching when pencils stopped containing lead??-4: But, hey, maybe I can use that info one day. Who wouldn't want to read about lead vs graphite? This is fascinating.-5: Inner Critic death spiral starts.-6: Oh, god. Look at my to-do list now. I'm never gonna write that pencil article. I'm never gonna write this article.-7: Why did they think I could do this?? I quit. I will never write anything good ever again. Maybe anything at all. Ever.-8: In fact, everything I have ever written has sucked. How have I not realized this before?? My high school English teacher was right.-9: I suck. Everything I do is shite. Where are the cheesy poofs? Where’s the TV? … Why would Buffy ever date Spike? That’s just ridiculous, and sets a bad example. … Someone should write about this! Ooh, maybe I should write about that! Oh, crap. Back up the ladder I go.
This is just one example. I have students and clients who do Creativity Ladders in a slightly different way: What actions and feelings bring up or pull down my creativity? What do I need to elicit my best creativity? What drags down my creativity?
There are as many ways to do your Creativity Ladder as there are Inner Critic voices and personal muses. It would take an entire book just to explain it (or, work with me and I’ll walk you through it), but just start and it’ll come to you. Better yet: Do this with a friend and interview each other. What helps you feel a little more creative? What makes you want to give up being creative? It’s almost always easiest for my students to fill in their +1s, -1s and +9s first. You’ll fill it all out eventually. Frustration is part of the process.
And, let me know how it goes! Send me your Ladder. Maybe one day I’ll post a collection of 100 Creativity Ladders. We all have one. It’s worth taking the time to get to know ours. Those 2-3 hours it takes to create ours will be worth the next 10, 20, 50 years of struggling with not knowing what inspires us and what drags us off the ladder.