Noping, defined

I have very few rules in my creativity classes. The biggest: Rate everything on a preference scale of 0-10, but nothing gets a 10. (An 11, a 25, or a million-billion is fine, just not a 10. There’s a reason.)

Rule #2: No ‘Noping’. You can disagree, say no, even argue. But you just can’t Nope. I even said so in an interview with National Geographic, so it’s official.

Noping defined

My definition of ‘Nope’ comes from two places: 1) ‘Yes And’ in improv. 2) The ‘Nope’ card in the board game Exploding Kittens. (In the game, a ‘Nope’ card stops or negates any action and can be played at any time.)

No Person A: Do you still want to go to the store tonight? Person B: No, I’m really tired. Can we go tomorrow?

Nope Person A: Do you still want to go to the store tonight? Person B: I can’t believe you would ask me that! Can’t you see how tired I am?

‘Noping’ denies, negates, belittles, refuses, gaslights, shuts down, lacks empathy … often all of the above. And, for this blog’s purposes, a ‘nope’ murders creativity in its tracks faster than anything I’ve ever seen. We do it to ourselves all the time, often with our Inner Critic’s help.

And we do it to each other. Look for it in politics, on sitcom arguments, at that realllllly uncomfortable dinner party with the soon-to-be-divorced couple. A ‘no’ puts the speaker’s needs first. A ‘nope’ shits all over everything before it even has the chance to be heard.

‘No’ as a tool of agency

I teach writing and finding your voice, and as much as I hate ‘nope’ I love me a good, strong ‘no’. ‘No’ is where agency starts. One of the first words toddlers learn is ‘no’, and how they start to define their preferences. ‘No’ can be protective, strong, authentic, empowering, brave — all those good Brené Brown words. ‘No’ is a fabulous answer to, ‘Would you like peanuts, even though you’re allergic?’ or ‘Mind if I assault you?’

“There are people who prefer to say 'yes' and there are people who prefer to say 'no'. Those who say 'yes' are rewarded by the adventures they have. Those who say 'no' are rewarded by the safety they attain.”

Keith Johnstone, author of Impro and beloved improv teacher

‘No’ has led to women’s suffrage, the Civil Rights movement, outlawing child labor, unions, and all sorts of good things. ‘Nope’ has led to conspiracy theories, Brexit, Donald Trump, and 35% of experts fearing a civil war in the next 10-20 years.

‘Nope’ as a tool of denying

Many cognitive scientists say we’re in the Age of Anger, but I’d say it’s more the Age of Nope. The entirety of Twitter is a walking ‘Nope’, as are most comments sections of newspapers and websites. We’re all so desperately angry about wanting to be heard ourselves that we’re noping each other instead. I’ve heard Democrats and Republicans say the other side doesn’t deserve empathy, or even call for the death of their fellow humans with whom they disagree. Remember when we used to be able to disagree with someone without wanting their death or destruction?

This is the extreme end of noping, but there’s a big range of nopes. I’ll talk about this again on this blog, but noping is related to creativity since noping’s aim is to destroy. Creativity is vulnerable, open, brave, delicate. Noping has the power to turn off the tap with a sentence, a word, or even a glance. When we nope ourselves or each other, we’re stopping the conversation before it even starts.